Saturday, 20 March 2010


A few things have changed since my last post, one of the major things being that I don't feel so unsafe with food anymore, I can go through a day eating 'normally' and not counting the calories, and even though I know it's wrong, it sort of feels nice as well. I can't really put into words how I'm feeling about it at the moment.

One of the main reasons I think I'm back in this place though, is Andrew. He's without a doubt the nicest boy I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he does wonders for my self-esteem. I told him about two weeks ago that I'd been bulimic, and he took it really well. I was really worried that he would tell someone, because I can tell that he cares about me enough to do it. He assured me that he wouldn't though, because I told him I hadn't done it in a while (which is true, I haven't purged since the beginning of February) so all he really said was would I tell him if I ever relapsed. I said I would and that was the end of that subject.

But also, Wednesday night he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out, in person as well which I thought was extra cute. So I now have a boyfriend, and it's really helped to boost my confidence a bit. He keeps telling me I'm not fat, that I'm really skinny and that I have nothing to worry about. I don't believe him, but it helps.

Last night I got my belly button pierced as well, and even though I'm thoroughly repulsed by my stomach at the minute thanks to my carefree eating habits (ew), I really really love it. Now I have extra reason to get my flabby stomach sorted because Andrew keeps saying he wants to see my piercing, and I don't want him to be so overwhelmed by my fat that he never wants to see it again.

Tomorrow is going to be my last day eating without thinking, and I really mean it, Monday is going to be the start of a new strict water fast. I'm going to start my exercise again and get skinnyskinnyskinny.

Then at the beginning of summer, I'll get my nose pierced too :)