Friday, 5 February 2010


What's wrong with me? I can barely remember typing out my last post.

I know that I did, obviously because it's there, but the memory of typing it and clicking 'Post' is hazy, unreal. This past week, in fact, has felt pretty surreal to me, since G found out I was bulimic.

I can't even really describe it. Again there was that feeling that something astronomically huge had just happened, and yet to everyone else who remained unaware of that horrible Facebook conversation, absolutely nothing had changed.

Everything was still normal for them - still sane.

Is that why I'm getting an urge to cut, right now? Will the pain snap me back to everything that has become normal for me? Will it bring me back to my reality?

Or distance me further from it?

Only one way to find out.

I skipped school today, told my mam some half-bogus story about my leg causing me agony whenever I walk.
I got out of doing my Spanish homework too, score.

Today I am 499 calories.

I haven't weighed in days because I'm back to fearing what the scales tell me. A weekend of 500-or-less-a-day restriction + a 5-day fast = ready for scales.

When I am Aphrodite, I will soar.


Anonymous said...

God i wish i was as motivated as you are, your doing really well, much better than i am, keep up the good work :D x