Friday, 25 September 2009

The Newbie

First off, hello to anyone who happens to stumble across my page. For personal privacy/safety, I will not disclose my age or location, but my name is Laura.

Although the title may suggest otherwise, this is not a pro ana site; this is just me blogging about my personal journey to a figure I am happy with. I do not judge anyone diagnosed with an eating disorder; never have, never will.

I personally have not been diagnosed with an ED, nor do I believe I have one, despite some things I have done which might suggest I do have one. Plus, my family's belief that I am heading towards one has, I believe, not helped.

I suppose a good place to start properly is to tell you all about some of my own experiences.

For example, I have previously lived on nothing but cough sweets and water (for about a month). Then I switched the cough sweets for mints, but became a bit more open-minded towards food, and ate a little more. In June just gone, I attempted to do a 21-day water fast, but this was an epic fail, as I relapsed after only ten days. Even so, I was very proud of myself at the time.

Most recently however, I feel like I have started to spiral out of control a bit. From the 21st to the 25th of September I had a change of routine, and was getting home about an hour before I usually did, which is half four in the evening. As soon as I got home each night, I'd walk into the kitchen and grab something to eat. Just something small mind you. Then, on the Wednesday, I binged and ate half a pizza. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself, and purged my stomach; the first time I had ever done so. Tonight, I ate a pot noodle, a bag of Hula Hoops and an apple, and purged again.

At exactly half eight tonight, I weighed myself in at 143lbs. I hate myself. I am such a big fat fatty. My target weight is 100-110lbs, and I hope to achieve this as soon as possible. I'm going to cram as much physical exercise into my nights as possible, including stomach workouts and training on something I have called a Leg Master. I also plan to attempt another water fast, except this time I'm not going to limit myself; I'm going to just keep going until I feel like I might collapse.

Any food consumed is going to be strictly soup or fruit/veg, or possibly some light dairy, such as yogurt. Any tips/tricks on how to avoid questioning friends & family will be greatly appreciated, as I'm faced with a rather observant lot.

Think thin,


Livvy said...

Hi. So I just found you so im reading from a while back. But you sound exactly like me and I'm amazed what you have achieved. So Im going to read and hopefully it will inspire me. Im kind of neutral ana if that makes sense. I just want a body Im happy with like you :)