The Newbie

First off, hello to anyone who happens to stumble across my page. For personal privacy/safety, I will not disclose my age or location, but my name is Laura.

Although the title may suggest otherwise, this is not a pro ana site; this is just me blogging about my personal journey to a figure I am happy with. I do not judge anyone diagnosed with an eating disorder; never have, never will.

I personally have not been diagnosed with an ED, nor do I believe I have one, despite some things I have done which might suggest I do have one. Plus, my family's belief that I am heading towards one has, I believe, not helped.

I suppose a good place to start properly is to tell you all about some of my own experiences.

For example, I have previously lived on nothing but cough sweets and water (for about a month). Then I switched the cough sweets for mints, but became a bit more open-minded towards food, and ate a little more. In June just gone, I attempted to do a 21-day water fast, but this was an epic fail, as I relapsed after only ten days. Even so, I was very proud of myself at the time.

Most recently however, I feel like I have started to spiral out of control a bit. From the 21st to the 25th of September I had a change of routine, and was getting home about an hour before I usually did, which is half four in the evening. As soon as I got home each night, I'd walk into the kitchen and grab something to eat. Just something small mind you. Then, on the Wednesday, I binged and ate half a pizza. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself, and purged my stomach; the first time I had ever done so. Tonight, I ate a pot noodle, a bag of Hula Hoops and an apple, and purged again.

At exactly half eight tonight, I weighed myself in at 143lbs. I hate myself. I am such a big fat fatty. My target weight is 100-110lbs, and I hope to achieve this as soon as possible. I'm going to cram as much physical exercise into my nights as possible, including stomach workouts and training on something I have called a Leg Master. I also plan to attempt another water fast, except this time I'm not going to limit myself; I'm going to just keep going until I feel like I might collapse.

Any food consumed is going to be strictly soup or fruit/veg, or possibly some light dairy, such as yogurt. Any tips/tricks on how to avoid questioning friends & family will be greatly appreciated, as I'm faced with a rather observant lot.

Think thin,
xoxo.