Got to see this through.

Post title taken from 'Wires' by Athlete.

Can someone please explain to me why I mess up all the time? Because I just don't know why. Never mind the previous threat of reaching four days, the second day is now my downfall. UGH, and I was so happy with myself when I resisted that stupid lolly on Thursday.

I'm not going to eat today, or tomorrow, or for at least another two weeks after that. 17 days is my minimum fasting time, and I'm going to try for 21 days. 21 would mean I'd break my fast on Saturday the 12th, and then I'd go back to strict restricting of under 200cals a day. I'm still trying to work out how to cope with the Christmas holidays, and at the minute I'm panicking. I've tried to drop so many hints about how I don't want sweets or chocolate, and I've asked basically everyone to just give me money instead, so that I can buy loads of tiny-sized clothes when I get skinny. I suppose I'll just deal with it as it comes.

Anyway, despite my fuck-up session last night, I'm not in the worst of moods today because I got my new scales last night - and my mam doesn't know a thing. I couldn't bear to weigh last night, for obvious reasons, but when I weighed this morning I was 132.2, which is my previous LW! That means I've still managed to lose 0.7lbs since the last time I weighed, and I'm still closing in on the 120s.

Speaking of the 120s, if you looked at my goals chart, you'd see that I added another GW of 123.6, and that's because that is the exact weight I need to be to get my BMI under 20 (123.6 means it'd be 19.9). At the minute it's 21.3, which I know is a healthy normal weight, but I still look in the mirror and hate myself. From now on, I live by this rule:

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

Media exam yesterday went pretty OK surprisingly, I'm doing the second half of it on Monday since it was a 3hr paper split into two sessions. This week is going to be absolute hell exam-wise because I have everything I'm not looking forward to. Oh joy.

Anyone who'd like to join me on my fast is welcome to, although I totally understand if 21 days is a bit much for you; I'm just trying to be really hard on myself to actually get somewhere I'm not ashamed of. So feel free to join but for a shorter amount of time, and maybe we could compare progress? Let me know :)

Staying strong, thinking thin,
xoxo.