Wednesday, 18 November 2009

503.

I want to say I cut again last night, but what I'm doing technically isn't cutting. It's basically what I said in my last post - carving into my skin with the pin of a brooch. But yeah, whatever you call it, I did it again. And the really fucked up part? Not only did it not hurt, it sort of felt good. In a really twisted, are-you-crazy kinda way. I'm telling myself I'm not gonna do it again tonight, but I had a horrendous mock exam today, broke my fast (ARGH), and I got my period yesterday.

Yeah, mock exams are taking over my life until the end of next week, and then I'm free from the stress of exams until May. And I'm promising myself that I will be my UGW by then. Unfortunately, dropping from about 130lbs to 95lbs in about six months is going to attract attention. Probably too much, and probably from all the people I don't want to notice. Or rather, I want them to notice and say how skinny I am, but I don't want them to know how I do it. Hah, fat chance.

Anyway, my T.O.M.'s making me feel like shit - and awfully bloated too - and for that reason I'm not weighing myself until either it stops, or Sunday morning. Whichever comes first.

I've eaten rice today. Just rice, plain rice. 368cals, and I might have a bread bun since I've already ruined today. That would bring my total for today up to 503.

Yes, 503. I can live with that. New fast starting tomorrow, and this time I am going to surpass my personal best of 16 days - I'll make sure of it.

Also, what do all you lovely skinnies think of my new layout? I deliberately went on the red category to remind myself of why I blog to all who care to read/comment/etc. I'm still uncertain about the one I chose though, I can't help but wonder if it's a bit much?


Staying strong, thinking thin,
xoxo.

1 comments:

CreativeEatsYou said...

I like the background! It's pretty and slightly disturbing at the same time..if that's possible?

I HATE mock exams! They are really awful. I have exams in may too. Notlooking forward to that...

503 isn't too bad. It's not as if you binged!

Stay strong
~Creative
x