Thursday, 28 January 2010

Emotional Wreck.

I'm a mess, an emotional wreck.

One of the girls who found out about my bulimic habits told my best friend, and we just had a really long conversation about it on Facebook. She started off by saying 'We need to talk :/' and as soon as she told me that she knew, I completely broke down.

It was like I'd lost who I was. I was confused, upset, shocked, scared - no, scratch that - terrified. What was I going to do?

I didn't even reply for about half an hour because I just sat there, curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out until my face was black with eyeliner and mascara and I didn't have it in me to cry anymore.

She says she's worried.
I cry.
She says she's scared.
I cry more.
She says she knew I'd lost too much weight.

At this, I bawl and almost wish I could die.

Because I didn't lose too much/she didn't say anything/I'm still fat/I can never lose enough.

I might skip school tomorrow, I don't know if I can handle seeing these two girls again without sobbing.

i don't know who i am anymore < / 3


Anonymous said...

Ohh, honey. I know exactly how you feel. I have absolutely been there, done that. I can't say I know what to do, because what I did was not all that effective, but I just want to say I know how you feel. Crying so hard you can't breathe and feeling like you'll never stop... because you think you'll never feel better.
Newsflash - you will. All things get better in time. Everything happens for a reason.

Stay strong, girl.

Aimee said...

This friend of yours seems to just be looking out for you. She obviously just wants you to know she's there for you and wants to help. As long as you know what you want before you speak properly with her, then things will work out for the better.
Perhaps you could start just eating in frount of her and avoid going to the bathroom when you're with her.
You may not know who you are anymore, however does anyone ever really know? Try to look at it this way, be the best you can be for yourself, not for what other people want you to be.
Hope this helps
Keep me updated on how things went love.
Aimee x