Sunday, 31 January 2010

Weekend Recap.

Friday: School. The heartwrenching Facebook conversation is not talked about or referred to, although I thought my heart stopped in my last lesson of the day because one of my friends went,

"Let's hope there'll be no puking this weekend!"
Ohmygod. Panic, fear, worry.
G (my best friend & the girl I had the Facebook conversation with), looks at me out of the corner of her eye. I know what she's thinking.
It suddenly clicks what the other friend was talking about; she was going out drinking with me that night.

Friday night:

Drunk. I don't count calories in alcohol because it's usually the only calories I have all day. We were all in one bar until about eleven, then somehow we ended up in this little pizza place in town that I have never seen before in my life and probably can never find my way back to (yes, I was that drunk). According to one of my friends I kept whinging about how I wasn't going to eat any of the pizza they bought because there was too many calories, so I sat on the floor next to the table in my intoxicated state.

How long did that last? All of five minutes, and then I had a slice. Just one, but god it was incredible. Half eleven I got picked up by my mam, then when I got home I took one step into my house and threw up everywhere. Would I have been sick if I hadn't eaten that stupid slice of pizza? I can only wonder.

Mam was not happy with me. She knew I was going to be drinking (albeit begrudgingly considering my age), but she was still pretty pissed off.


Hungover. Baaaaaaaaaaaadly hungover. In fact, I woke up still drunk off the night before. Maybe I wouldn't have been so bad if I'd eaten before I drank (I actually hadn't eaten a thing since Tuesday night).

Anyway, hungover-Laura eats. I don't like her because she eats without counting the calories and she uses the hangover as an excuse for any binges. The logic doesn't even work.

So I ate pretty much normally yesterday, ew. (It didn't actually turn into a binge, because I didn't feel out of control when I was eating.) After my dinner at about half six last night (~500?) I really considered purging, but then I remembered I'd promised G (my best friend) that I'd stopped my bulimic ways just before Christmas, because her and C (the girl who originally found out) are seriously worried about me.

So, no purge. No purge = onslaught of guilt.

Onslaught of guilt disappears when Andrew admits he likes me. YAY. He still didn't ask me out, but I'm working on that.

Because guess what? Another night out drinking looks like it's on the cards for this Friday too! This will be the third Friday in a row I'll be getting wasted, but hopefully the first one that Andrew turns up to, because he successfully avoided the previous two (much to my disappointment). Anyway, if he does go, hopefully something will happen between us. Wow, I'm grinning like an idiot just thinking about it!

After Friday and yesterday, my weight when I woke up was 128.6, which is FAR too high for my liking, but good considering I thought it would be way higher. I'm prepared for another fast though, which is great.

I'm rereading Wintergirls (lovelovelove that book), and today I've had a cup of tea with one sugar (16).

Starving feels easy again. There's no desire to eat, and yesterday was a testament that even when I do, I feel back in control.



Anonymous said...

wow it sounds like things with you and andrew are finally going to lift off ;)
Hope you have a good time on friday, and i hope andrews there....
Stay strong

Aimee said...

Bye bye binging, too right!
God I really wish I could get wasted this weekend...
Good luck with Andrew, hopefully this weekend will be the perfect chance for him to see what he's misiing (:
Stay strong
Aimee x