Thursday, 8 October 2009

I just get worried about you, that's all.

I wasn't smart enough a couple of nights ago; I didn't even attempt to look like I was eating in front of my mam. I guess I just thought she wouldn't really notice one night where I didn't eat, and usually I don't think she would. She did that night.

It was about 9pm, and I'd just gone up to my room to watch a film when she popped her head around my doorframe and said, "Have you had anything to eat tonight?". Of course I said no, 'cause saying something else would have been a blatant lie and she'd have known, and just assured her I wasn't hungry. She smiled and just said, "I just get worried about you, that's all."

I know. Leave me be will you? I'm FINE.

Then this morning, just after I'd gotten ready for school, I walked into the bathroom to put on my make-up just as she was coming out, and she just took one brief glance at me and said, "Your legs are looking a little thinner today," and gave me a lovely puzzled look to go with it. I had to stop myself from squealing with glee and look as nonchalant as possible. Yesterday in P.E. we did almost an hour of step aerobics - I was over the moon 'cause it really got intense - so I just shrugged and said, "Probably just 'cause of the stuff I did in P.E. yesterday."


I've found my weakness in the form of fruit juice; I know it has calories and therefore I shouldn't be drinking it during fasts, but I can't help myself. Thankfully, I just had some and there's now no more left, so I won't be tempted until at least Monday, and maybe by then I'll have become a little stronger. Fingers crossed anyway. I'm so weak, and I hate it.


GW2: 31st October.
GW3: 30th November.
UGW: 31st December.

So I have less than a month to lose 7lbs for Halloween and another month after that to get down to 114lbs. I'm working on Christmas; slightly worried about how I can wriggle out of this. Maybe that can be my 'free day'. I could probably get away with asking for no chocolates or sweets because I'm trying to become healthier and then just have a small lunch. Then one solid fast from Boxing Day to New Years; I will look skinny in my New Year dress. I will.

Maybe by that time - or even Halloween if I'm really lucky - I'll have grown a little more confident, and if I like what I look like I'll post some pictures of Halloween. I'm going to a costume party and I want to look the best I possibly can in whatever I end up wearing; MUST NOT RELAPSE.

Staying strong, thinking thin,