Go empty yourself right now.

I ate. My punishment? I'm not going to the gig thing in town Wednesday night, nor am I going to a different gig thing on Friday night. I'm even contemplating passing on the Halloween party because I'm going to look like such a fat mess that I'd rather it be said I have no social life instead of allowing people to see how badly I've screwed up. Yes, it is that bad.

Girls of the UK, I'm now begging for a texting partner - I need HELP. Like, mega serious kick-up-my-obese-arse help. I'm not strong enough - I can't do this on my own anymore, I need someone to talk to about this. I can't tell family because they'd be disappointed (I hate that), and my friends have already been through helping one friend out with an eating disorder (before I was properly friends with them, this was like three years ago) and I don't want to be the one who puts them through that again.

I fully realise that eating disorders affect friends and family just as much as the person with the ED, and I don't want a sympathetic, "It'll be alright, you'll get through this". I want to talk about this with someone who has the full understanding of my frame of mind, who gets that eating without a care is simply not possible for me anymore.

Please let me know if you're interested. I'm off to purge now.

I feel so lost.
xoxo.