Sunday, 27 December 2009

Are you hungry?
No.
Then why are you even contemplating it?
Because I really want noodles, dammit.
How many calories?
176.
Which would make your total for today...?
240. That's not too high is it?
You tell me.
No it's not.
Alright then. Go and make yourself the noodles.
I don't want to.
Oh, why not?
Because I'll be disappointed in myself, and I might not be able to stop after noodles.
But you said it would be OK, the last binge has been and gone.
I always say that. I need to stick to it this time.
Well make the noodles but control yourself afterwards.
No.
What now?
I'm tired of failing, of fucking up. I'm sick of being fat.
Don't eat then.
I'm not going to.
Good. If you walk into that kitchen, you either come out with nothing or a cup of tea (32).
I'll stay here thanks. Nothing sounds perfect.

2 comments:

Twigs Can Fly said...

It's hard, we all know. But stick at it dear.

~Twigs
xx.

Ana=) said...

OMG I LOVE this post--this completely expresses ana cognition--way to capture this so creatively!

pana43.blogspot.com <<< follow if u want--I would be thrilled!!