Tomorrow is a new day.

You'll probably have noticed I put the content warning on. I can tell my posts are getting darker, more explicit, and so I thought it best to put it on.

I'd just like to point out now that;

THE FOLLOWING IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND, MOCK OR OTHERWISE INSULT PEOPLE SUFFERING FROM AND/OR LIVING WITH BULIMIA. THIS IS PURELY DESCRIBING MY OWN EXPERIENCE WITH THIS PARTICULAR EATING DISORDER AND HOW I WISH TO ERASE IT FROM MY LIFE.

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Dear Mia,

I'm going to be one hundred percent honest with you. I don't like you. I never have, I never will. You're like the friend I can't get rid of. You know the one, she's clingy and she follows you everywhere - she barely lets you breathe because she's like your fucking shadow. Yeah, that's you Mia.

That. Is. You.

I want very much for you to go away. To just crawl into a corner somewhere and leave me alone. Leave me alone with Ana. Ana's nicer than you. She can make me feel good about myself because when I'm with her I know I haven't failed; I've been strong and said no. She points out the bones that protrude more than yesterday and she claps when the numbers on the scale go down. When I'm with you, it means I've failed, messed up - and you're there to remind me while I try and set things right again, get back on the right track.

That's all you are - a way for me to try and turn things around after it's already gone wrong. You remind me of all the things I shouldn't have done and I hate you for that. You're like the "cure", except you don't make anyone better. Ana is the prevention, and prevention is always better than cure.

There are more things I hate about you too. You taunt and goad after I've eaten a 'normal' amount until I can't bear it any more and I run upstairs to make it better. You make me feel guilt so strong that my knuckles turn white when I resort to shoving my toothbrush down my throat to get that empty feeling back. And what pisses me off the most? You don't even hold my hair back while I'm doing it.

No, not even a simple favour like that. Instead you watch me suffer, elated that I spent the day with you and not Ana. You don't like her, do you?

Well I don't care what you like. You can go ahead and keep other people company, the people who don't mind that you're there, or maybe who even want you there. But not me. You can stay away from me from now on. I'm done.

I'm sticking with Ana from now on.

Ana understands.
Ana cares.
Ana helps.


Laura.