Saturday, 19 December 2009


I lost the maths compass, so I grabbed a pair of scissors I was using to wrap presents, and away I went. The skin over my hip bones was killing me all through the next day, and it actually felt good. God I'm sick.

Anyway. It's that family Christmas party tonight, and I'm not going. I went through about a dozen outfits, found something wrong with how I looked in all of them, stormed downstairs in a very bad mood and announced to my mam that I'm not going. She didn't even react for about five minutes, she just plain ignored me. This further pissed me off.

She needs to get out of the house so I can break something. Something small because I get really bad guilt, but just something. Last time I felt like this I hurled coloured pencils and my tin of lip moisturiser at my bedroom wall - that didn't do the trick so I made a pile of soft clothing and chucked my phone into it full force (the soft clothing because I can't bear to break my phone). Still didn't feel better, so I repeated all of the above several times and screamed into a pillow.

That was nearly three weeks ago now, and that damned feeling is back. And Andrew has just this second text me. He's lovely and I enjoy talking to him and everything, but NOT NOW. I'm going to ignore him, so that means he'll probably text again in an hour or two. Well I'm sorry but I'm turning my phone off for the night because I'm just plain old not in the mood. Rachel, if you tried to text me and are reading this, that's why I haven't replied lol.

OK, liquid fast starting today. I haven't had anything so far and I plan on having:

- 1 cup Slim-A-Soup (54)
- 2 cups of tea w/ sugar (32)
Total: 86

There. That should keep me happy. And if it doesn't, fuck it, I'm not having anything else whether I like it or not. Who knows though, with the mood I'm in right now I might not have any of that, I am that angry.

Think thin girls (or guys)!


SBB said...

I know what you mean about being angry and wanting to throw/break/smash things. I usually only feel that way after long drawn out arguments on the phone which I then hang up and wip at the wall.. needless to say I have broken a few phones and had to patch up my walls.

I wish I could bail on my fam dinner, but my mother refuses and acts like I'm being an asshole when I say I would rather not be there lol... Oh well.

I think not answering his txt when you're in a mood like this is best. Good luck with the low intake hun!

I wish I could cut, but.. now I'm going for full body massages monthly so I'm a little fearful that the girl would see the slashes on my ribs... however hips would be doable.

Karolina said...

I just came across your blog and Im struggling to loose weight too before this year is over.
good luck


black angel said...

I know You can do this..
We can do this
Stay strong :)