Thursday, 17 December 2009


Thanks to new followers and the three wonderful skinnies who commented on my letter to Mia:

SBB: I know right? I hate her! Yes, as of now, I'm officially giving Mia the cold shoulder! :D

Aimee: Yeah, me and Ana are going to be inseperable from now on - Mia can go find someone else to bother :)

Thinvincible: No problem girl, any time you need any help or just someone to talk to, I'm here! Oh no, trust me, Mia is not nice to have around. She is one hell of a bitch, be thankful you don't have to deal with her, lol! :D


691 calories.


I currently weigh 127.2 lbs. I was 127.0 this morning so thankfully damage wasn't as bad as I thought. PHEW.

On the topic of Andrew, he text me about two hours ago asking if I was feeling better today. I ignored this because I'm really not but I feel like I'm letting him down by being so depressed. He text me again about a quarter of an hour ago asking if I was OK with a little worried face. I have my reply typed out and everything - 'Don't worry, I haven't killed myself or anything x'. I'm at least halfway happy with that - short, simple, and not exactly a lie. I needn't tell him I'm currently on the verge of killing myself. Who knows, it might freak him out just a little.

Oh, there we go. Suicide ideation. I was wondering when that one would come along. And as of last night, I think I have pseudologia fantastica (compulsive lying disorder). Well, it's not so much that I think I have it, it's that it describes rather accurately a lot of my behaviour as of late so it wouldn't surprise me if I did have it.

Or who knows? Maybe this is all just my eating disorder talking. As in, my lying was never a problem until Ana came along. Or maybe it was simply an underlying condition that I only thought was never an issue, and Ana was the trigger that made it spiral out of control...

Or, fuck all of that. I'm a hypochondriac. Simple.

Anyway, I'm in a very jittery mood, like I don't know what to do with myself. I feel energetic but when I stand up I feel faint, so that's not very helpful.

I need a knife, I need to cut. But I can't go get one without my mam being down my throat, and honestly, how the hell would I explain that? But sadly, the brooch isn't working as well anymore...I need to find something sharper. I have a maths compass I could try...

Yes. Maths compass. I need that rush back.

Stay strong my wonderful skinny readers!


SBB said...

Pls don't cut =( ... pretty pls with a sugar free - zero calorie cherry on top?
I know what you mean about fighting the urge to cut, to feel different pain than what you always feel.. fight it.